Remarks for our community vigil this evening.
I am wrapped in my tallit, my prayer shawl. I wear my kippah, a reminder that my words are directed to an audience beyond my self.
But I cannot pray to God today. The God I believe in doesn’t need my prayers, and doesn’t want them – not today.
The God I believe in has Her hands full; He’s working overtime, and has been for quite a while. The heart of the God I believe in is devastated by each senseless death and destruction of life, weakened with each squeeze of a trigger. The God I believe in surely surrounds the victims, the survivors, the families of loved ones with infinite Strength, Courage, Healing and Love.
“Be with the victims and their families,” the God I believe in hears, and must wonder, “Where else do you imagine I am?”
“Are you so deeply grieved?” the God I believe in asks us as He did Jonah. I care for all of My creations – do all I can to love them, nurture them, protect them. You grieve; My heart is broken.
I cannot pray to God today, because the God I believe in still admonishes us through the prophet Isaiah: “Is this the fast I look for? A day of self-affliction? Bowing your head like a reed, and covering yourself with sackcloth and ashes? Is this what you call a fast, a day acceptable to the Lord? Is not this the fast I look for: to unlock the shackles of injustice, to undo the fetters of bondage, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every cruel chain? Is it not to share your bread with the hungry, and to bring the homeless poor into your house? When you see the naked to clothe them, and never to hide yourself from your own kin?
“Then shall your light blaze forth like the dawn, and your wounds shall quickly heal; your Righteous One will walk before you, the Presence of the Lord will be your rear guard. Then, when you call, the Lord will answer; when you cry, God will say: ‘Here I am.'”
No, I cannot pray to God today – I cannot petition, make entreaty or supplication; I cannot hope to move God, for there is nowhere else for God to go, except into the hearts and minds and souls of our leaders here on Earth, into the men and women we have appointed for their wisdom, their compassion, their guidance and good counsel. Today I pray to them, that if their hearts turn to God, and I hope they do, that they pray for courage, for strength, for imagination, for resolve for themselves – that they may yet DO something – something beyond rhetoric, something beyond prayer.
I pledge on behalf of my colleagues in the clergy, we will keep preaching the message of love and equality and acceptance and embrace. But so long as those who hate can walk into a store and obtain a weapon to give destructive power to their hatred with but the most minimal obstructions, if any — this pain won’t stop.
We will keep teaching peace and dialogue and understanding and respect. But so long as there continues to be access to weapons whose sole purpose, whose sole reason for creation is massive and prolific destruction — this pain won’t stop.
We will continue to demonstrate, with our talk and our walk, that the lives of men, women, and children; the lives of those in the LGBTQ community, the African American community, the Hispanic community; the Jewish, Muslim, Christian, Buddhist, atheist… every community matters, has value, deserves to be protected. But so long as innocent lives suddenly and violently cease to be, and not one – not ONE – meaningful, enduring, impactful piece of gun legislation can be lifted to passage, can be attempted – just attempted – as a tangible offering of our sorrow and remorse — this pain won’t stop.
To those who say we must wait; how dare we “politicize” a moment of grief – were that we could. My own Jewish tradition has strict proscriptions for the first week of mourning, the first month, the first year that might likewise suggest patience. But here we are, mere blocks from Mother Emanuel, still only on the threshold of one year. We’ve waited too long. Within the past month, 34 mass shootings have occurred on American soil; 82 people have been killed, 167 more have been wounded. We’ve waited too long. Already a church, a community center, a school, a club – what would the next target be if we waited even a week? We’ve waited too long.
I cannot pray to God today, but the God I believe in is fervently praying to and for us:
“Remove the chains of oppression,” God prays, “make sacrifices for … the afflicted; then shall your light shine in the darkness, and your night become bright as noon. … This is the promise of the Lord.”
This is the prayer of the God I believe in. And if you believe we can answer it – we must answer it – then let us say: Amen.
3 thoughts on “I cannot pray to God.”
Rabbi Stephanie, Thank you for these beautiful, very meaningful words! It’s hard to find the right things to say, do, and feel. This latest show of hatred, coming so close to the Mother Emanuel one year anniversary, is once again all too tragic and unnecessary. The news said that the toll from Orlando now takes first place over the Virginia Tech toll. Jeff and I are both Hokies, and have visited the memorial on campus. When the plane went into the Pentagon, our son had just arrived in the basement with the mail, below the crash. The elevator he was getting in to make deliveries suddenly stopped. He was fine, but shaken. When Jeff worked there, his office was just inside the entrance by the helipad.
In moments like these, we feel so inadequate to the task ahead. I guess we just have to pray for all the victims everywhere, and pray that the hatred stops.
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Stunningly written, beautifully focused, sharply laid out– not with stridency but with deep passion and pain. Boy we miss your gifts!
Your amazingly thoughtful and reflective wirds. A reflection of my heart. Thank you.